catch 22

side note: wonderful book, everyone should read it!! and this keyboard is wack and im in a hurry so please excuse typos!!

current city: Venice, Italy
coffee shop, pianist is covering the Beatles, most appropriately "Here Comes the Sun" because its dark and gloomy outside, or what the locals call "high water" where everything floods and shut downs for two or three hours after a rain storm. Can't help but smirk at the fact that my weather channel WXII News 2 would be flipping out and interrupting Friday night television to tell us of a potential rain storm or flash flood. I absolutely LOVE the laid back attitude of Italians. I'm taking a chill pill and I refuse to come back to the reality I once knew until I land in RDU at the end of the month.

From my brief 10 days in the middle east, I have gathered that the Palenstinian/Israeli conflict is full of catch 22s. It is no secret that I am pro-palenstinian and desperately desire equal rights for every human on the planet.  But I empathize with the Israelis who have been affected by terrorism. As a U.S. citizen and more importantly as a human being, I am deeply saddened by 9/11. However, I am not sure that building a wall that in affect isolates the Palenstinians from everything is the answer. I don't see how people can cheer when the Berlin wall is finally torn down but then applaud when we put up a barrier or cement with armed guards 24/7 and electric fences on the West Bank. I have seen it with my own eyes and touched it with my own hands and I will not do the experience justice on here. I want to remember how it felt watching the Arab women in their modest car drive up to the gate with their identification cards and permit passes clutched tightly in their grip. They looked humiliated. I love my dad, but he still gets insulted when airport security looks at his photo ID more than 2.5 seconds. Any time he feels like he is being second guessed, he becomes defensive. He is 69 years old, a veteran, and he feels like he is entitled to some respect. IMAGINE HOW THESE PEOPLE FEEL. They have family businesses and friends and family that this wall/barrier has separated them from. With all due respect to the horrible events in Darfur and other places, but I am willing to call this the beginning of a genocide.  Its happening subtly but its forcing the Arabs to become the under dogs, they cannot receive medical care and cannot get their children to school. I would not tolerate these actions in any area of the world and I certainly cannot condone them now that I have held the hands of my new Palenstinian friends and seen their tears of frusteration and the looks of desperation. Part of me wishes I could go back to the time before I saw all of this, that way I could hide in my ignorance but I can't. I want my voice, no matter how small, to be a voice that inspires people to get educated. It starts with tolerance. Let us all practice it together! There is no such thing as a lesser person. I pride myself (even in the holy land, heh) on being empathetic. This is why I will never be able to be a nurse, doctor, veternarian, or in the military. I have the UPMOST respect for people in these careers, I'm just a wimp. I'm emotionally sensitive and I feel other people's pain too deeply. And yes I realize I just sounded like the jerk at the interview who says his worst quality is that he "cares too much" or "works too hard." What I'm trying to explain is that I border on naivete because I want so desperately to believe that I can change the world. But what would happen if we all told ourselves we could change the world? I see myself and my generation give up on their dreams all too quickly because they listen to that voice (whoever it may be!) that whispers or in my case yells "YOU CAN'T CHANGE THE WORLD, GIVE UP NOW!" My hope in my generation is restored every time I see people rally around causes they support, for ever facebook invitation I receive about a noble cause that does not involve a keg and a house party (although I do fully support those as well).

I met the sweetest lady from Reno and we were having dinner one night and talking about our home life. She wanted to know why I wasn't in school, why I didn't have a boyfriend (because that would justify me being out of school?!), and what I wanted to study when I grew up. She is a child of the 50's and remembers all too well the protests about the vietnam war. She explained how nostalgic it was hearing me get my panties in a wad about things such as equality and peace and using NON VIOLENT means as a way to compromise things in the middle east. She remembers the rebel rousers of her "day". She remembers how much fire and spunk her generation had and how much they had changed since then. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of people her age who still stand up for what they believe but many have allowed their fire to be burnt out by the day to day monotony adulthood brings. It is so eery to think the same free spirits who protested the war and preached free love once upon a time are the same "older" people who turn their nose up at me when I explain why I would love to join the peace corps. My own mom, god bless her, being one of them, education was and still is a privilege and any education outside of a certified classroom is not as highly regarded in my neck of the woods. This kind lady I dined with wasn't surprised when I said I was taking my time earning my degree (10 year plan?) and that I had intentions of reforming our prison systems with a career in social work. Thank goodness it wasn't the first day we had met because she would have probably thought I was a spoiled white girl who had no ambition and therefor stood behind this "dream" for world peace. We talked about needing to be realistic and living in a cave with a Bedouin tribe the rest of my life was not going to immediately quench my thirst. Not that it matters in the least, but she is an extreme right wing conservative. SHE confided in me that it was a stretch for her to come to middle east at all because of her ignorance and fear, and in my opinion neither of which are entirely her fault. I know some of my statements seemed outlandish and made her uneasy but she had this twinkle in her eye, a look that explained while she wouldn't endorse my dreams verbally, she understood my passion. It was a look of hope. As she left to meet her husband after dinner she put her hand on my shoulder and said "oh dear Morgan, my generation tried to save the world and we failed, but I hope yours gets the chance!" Even if it was her 3 glasses of wine talking, it meant a lot that she believed in what I was saying. All I really had to offer her in terms of support for my ideas was my previous life experience. And lets face it, on the outside I'm a 20 year old with less than 2 years of college education. But those who know me, well you guys know the whole story. I have been fortunate enough to meet a WIDE variety of people and have a wide variety of mentors who have helped broaden my horizons.  SUWS, Auldern, Africa, Peru, NOLS, WoCo, ZTA can I get a hell yeah? Teachers and professors that were brave enough to tell me that life does not always go according to plan but you ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE. It was reiterated to me at boarding school (im being kind here) and then a wise guy told me before I left the USA that "all in all, everyone is responsible for their own actions." I like to argue that people's upbringing along with environment play a role in the way they react to situations. But for all you "LOST" fans out there, Locke advises Charlie (when he's trying to kick his heroine habit) that its the power of RESPONDING to a situation rather then reacting to it that separates human beings from animals. I attribute most of my poor qualities to animalistic instincts, but lets face it pretty soon my prefrontal cortex will be fully developed and I'll need a new alibi.


Tomorrow is Croatia!!